Intimacy or closeness in relationships can sometimes feel as if it has fallen by the wayside. Sometimes, irritability, frustration and overall blah-ness might feel like it is interfering with our ability to feel close and connected to our partners.
But while it’s common for all couples to go through “the blahs,” you don’t have to throw in the towel and stay there. In fact, couples that put in the time and effort to reconnect with one another often feel even closer for it.
If you would like to build intimacy with your partner, here are some easy ways to start that journey:
Focus and Listen to Enhance Intimacy
Thanks to the proliferation of digital media and mobile devices, we live in a world that seems to demand that we all become proficient multitaskers. The problem with this is, it’s hard to shut off this instinct. Most of us are hardly able to have a conversation with a loved one without looking at our phones. This inability to STOP and focus on just being with our partner can absolutely kill intimacy.
If you want to reconnect you’ve got to become aware of when your mind is wandering. You’ve got to really focus on your partner and actually listen with both ears to what they say. Being heard, really heard, makes us feel loved and cared for. By doing this for your partner you will not only make them feel loved and special, you will inspire them to reciprocate the same respect. You can learn a little more about a few essential communication skills for enhanced intimacy in my last blog post.
Show Appreciation and Gratitude for Deeper Intimacy
It’s entirely too easy to take our loved ones for granted, but connection requires that we appreciate who they are and all that they do in our lives. Showing a little gratitude for our partner can go a long way in deepening our intimacy.
To help learn to show more gratitude, think of some things that you appreciate about your partner and thank them. Perhaps they always take out the trash without being asked. Maybe they bring you a cup of coffee in the morning when you first wake up, or they do the dishes every night. Take the time to recognize their efforts and thank them from the heart. Feeling appreciated by our partners naturally enables to feel more connected and enhances intimacy.
Have Fun Together
Sure, building intimacy is important, but you don’t have to be so serious about it! One of the absolute best ways to reconnect with your partner is to laugh with them. This is especially true for people who have been together for quite a few years. You forget who each other used to be. But by experiencing novel and interesting activities together, you can learn new things about each other and see your relationship in a new light. Desire requires some adventure and novelty.
For some couples, building intimacy can require even more work, especially if there are trust issues. In these cases, working with a couples’ therapist can help partners feel safe enough to work through their issues so they can reconnect.
If you or someone you know is interested in exploring therapy, please contact me. I’d be happy to discuss how I might be able to help.
Modern Change offers couples therapy in Durham, NC 27707
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